Better late than never. Hope you're having a great 2014

I know it's little late for New Years resolutions, and since I don't do resolutions I guess it's okay. However, in 2014 I want things to be different, I know I know (said it before and I've tried multiple times before) but this year it's going to be different (at least I'll tell myself that).

I'd love feedback to see if it's just me or do others struggle with sabotaging myself. The stakes have never been higher, right before Christmas I had a scare and had to spend a few days in the hospital. Turns out it was just anxiety, however I thought I was having a heart attack and was nervous because I knew with my size there is not a whole lot they can do. I had one of my doctors that had attended to me in the past and he was very blunt and told me how it was. I find that very refreshing because so often I'd love for doctors to tell me hey lose weight or you're going to die, but it seems in these days of politically correctness theyre afraid or don't want to step on any toes, instead of choosing to remain silent and just let the morbidly obese die and quietly fade into the darkness to be forgotten by everyone other than those who truly love them.

My doctor informed me that because of my weight it's very likely that if I would've had a heart attack they wouldn't have been able to operate because of my size and the weight capacity of the operating table not being able to support me. There were also multiple different test that they normally perform when someone has symptoms of a heart attack, that they couldn't because of my size. One of them being the MRI, again because of the weight capacity of the MRI machine, so they wound up doing an ultrasound, however due to the fatty tissue they couldn't really get much of a indication. So ultimately it boiled down to them relying on me not having any proteins in my urine which are normally indicative of someone who is had a heart attack.

Yet despite all this when I was finally released a few days later I still found myself lacking motivation nor the true desire to change what ultimately has to change, that being my eating habits.

However, it's a new day today, I guess just the fact that I'm willing to start writing this down and thinking about what I need to do it is a step in the right direction.

I'd love any feedback and look forward to getting to know you better. I hope you have a great day and great week. Good luck with your journey!