A bittersweet new beginning.

It hasn't been that long since my last post, yet so much has happened. On November 3rd my mother passed away. She had a terminal lung condition that eventually led to her heart failure. During events like the passing of loved ones it can easily lead to depression and loss of momentum with weight loss programs. Barbara (mom) had been a staunch motivator and had helped keep my dad and myself on track, and for so many other reasons I will definately miss her, however instead of stepping back or failing I'm going to use this loss to propel me to do what I should have been doing for quite some time, lose weight!! After visiting her in the hospital just prior to her passing I pinned the following note:

It's in times like today we often call on prayer to help with a situation we're facing. This morning as I was in my car I was flooded with emotions and memories of my mom and growing up. I say mom even though she is not my biological mom, my biological mom passed away from cancer in ninth grade. She passed on the eve of mothers day in May 1986 at Medical Plaza in Fort Worth.

I remember it vividly because as a ninth grader I was in that awkward stage of teen years where I did not realize the wisdom of my parents or the previous mistakes they'd made. I remember getting frustrated by my moms request to see me in my tuxedo. The doctors had told her she had less than a month to live, but they had made similar predictions numerous times before. First with her colon cancer, then breast, and finally this time with her cancer of the lymph nodes. I was frustrated at this request but begrudgingly complied (with the help of my brother who being four years older threatened to kick my @#$ if I didn't) My mother Margaret was a strong Christian woman just as is Barbara. She was my first role model of what it looks like to have a personal relationship with Christ. She would read and pray daily to draw enough strength for the day. After arriving at the hospital that day I realized this time was different. It's often difficult seeing someone you love pass, but if they have a personal relationship with Christ it's much easier, and that's what was different this time. She spoke to each of us individually, first me, then my brother John, than to the collective family unit. She told us to not grieve her death because she was going to get her rewards in heaven, it made it difficult for me to grieve too much when the person dying tells you not to grieve and that she would miss us but would have no more pain or sorrow.

Fast forward two years when my dad met Barbara at a grief recovery class at church. It was funny seeing my dad who had cared for my mom for six years battling cancer start dating again. He was quite the rico suave in his group but Barbara changed that and tamed the tiger! I remember meeting her and being so impressed that first meeting when she said she didn't want to try and replace my mom she would just treat me as her own and be the best mom and wife as she could be. It was very significant that the word "step" would not be part of our vocabulary, blended yes but step no! All of these memories came flooding back as I drove to see her today. I was sad mainly for my dad because after losing his first wife of twenty five years he would eventually be faced with the loss of his second wife, my second mom of twenty three years.

The last wave of emotion was from the friends I had at the time of Margaret's passing. I remember it being standing room only at our church, Pipeline Road Church or Christ, and me seeing my fellow Rams (Richland Junior High) as well as neighbors and church friends. And now because the greatness of Facebook I have gotten words of encouragement from friends all around the country. Barbara's condition is terminal, but once again I learned how nice it is having friends and family to lean on.

One of Barbara's legacies has been the incredible job she did as a mother and wife. Our family was laughing at times almost to the point of tears today in the waiting room as we waited for her to get out of recovery. It was apparent the amount of prayer we had today, as my feelings of anxiousness faded, and I was hearkened back all the great memories from both childhood as well as fun family moments. It's sad that it normally takes sickness or death to bring families and friends together, I'm just glad that this time around I still have some time to enjoy my mom. Thanks again for your thoughts and prayers, I hope this note has accurately conveyed my thoughts.

Steve