I am going to die....

and so are you! Quite a harsh intro but everyday I am subjecting my body to the excess weight I am hearkening a premature exit, and my days of going quietly are OVER!
 
This past year was hard, but too bad life's not fair, and excuses will no longer be tolerated! Sorry if I'm abusing the exclamation marks but I went to the doctor today and am extremely frustrated; I am morbidly obese, and there is no sense of urgency from my primary care physician.  Everyday I am subjecting my heart to excess stress due to my weight and in today's day of political correctness sometimes the truth hurts but the alternative would hurts those I love much more. I will no longer go quietly! I am taking on the mantra of the "Militant Fat Man!" because regardless of what society thinks I am worth as much as the next person regardless of my size.  I am no longer going to tolerate the under the breath jabs from youth or others, and if they are going to laugh then that's fine I'm not going to try and hide or act like it doesn't hurt.  As a christian I know the Bible says "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Philippians 4:13 and I am determined this year to rebuild my temple. This year I will get to the bottom of what motivates me to sabotage my efforts and will emerge victorious in my quest to improve my health. In my quiet time this morning I read the scripture below which I think is very applicable to my circumstances last year and what the future holds:
 

 17 The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them;
   he delivers them from all their troubles.
18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
   and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

 19 The righteous person may have many troubles,
   but the LORD delivers him from them all;
20 he protects all his bones,  not one of them will be broken.

Psalms 34:17-20

I am not going to normally post stuff from my times of meditation, but felt encouraged by my readings and wanted to share. I've got an appointment set up for next Tues to see a dietitian and get a food plan.  I know the science behind it but she is going to help me with the psychological aspects of it and I can't wait! I've started walking and am going to add distance each day,  I looked and found a gym 4 miles from my house and since I don't have a car i'm going to make that one of my first goals, however in the meantime i've got some new tunes downloaded for my ipod and am ready to start!! In the words of one of my favorite musical artist Eminem....

Today's song of the week "I'm not afraid"

I'm not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel that you've been down the same road

(Intro)

Yeah, It's been a ride...
I guess I had to go to that place to get to this one
Now some of you might still be in that place
If you're trying to get out, just follow me
I'll get you there


I'm not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel that you've been down the same road

(Verse 2)
.....
Relax, I ain't going back to that now
All I'm tryna say is get back, click-clack BLAOW
Cause I ain't playin' around
There's a game called circle and I don't know how
I'm way too up to back down
But I think I'm still tryna figure this crap out
Thought I had it mapped out but I guess I didn't
This f@$&*ing black cloud's still follow's me around
But it's time to exercise these demons
These mothef$%#&#s are doing jumping jacks now!


I'm not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel that you've been down the same road


And I just can't keep living this way
So starting today, I'm breaking out of this cage
I'm standing up, Imma face my demons
I'm manning up, Imma hold my ground
I've had enough, now I'm so fed up
Time to put my life back together right now


It was my decision to get clean, I did it for me
Admittedly I probably did it subliminally for you
So I could come back a brand new me, you helped see me through
And don't even realise what you did, believe me you......


I'm not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel that you've been down the same road

Wow the Bible and Eminems' Fbombs in the same blog post that's a first for me :)

Stevo out

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